Establishing Dialogue when you don't feel heard.

This topic is relevant. 
It's applicable to today. It was applicable yesterday. And as a black woman, I feel that this battle of establishing dialogue when I don't feel heard is persistently with me. Throughout high school, college, graduate school, and even at times during my working life, I describe myself as first having no voice, finding it, having it silenced, and building it again.

My second tenure at Columbia University (TC) was about discovering the power of the different types of discourse that take place in the spaces and positions people occupy. Positionality matters.  Race matters. Gender matters. Different aspects of our identity affect how discourse is received, and how discussions are perceived. During my second semester at TC, as we discussed conflict and collaboration, in one of my classes, I purposely tried to take several steps back. I did not volunteer to facilitate, until the day I was in a group where all, except for me, had already served as facilitators. I was conscious of not wanting to appear dominating, because I have learned that perception is often taken for reality. This constant awareness of perception is oftentimes limiting. 

It's important to point out that discourse should not be equated with dialogue. Discourse can occur without the consideration of the dominant ideology that may be influencing perspective, and I did not want to be the person “in charge” of pointing that out. I have struggled through the years to find my voice, I believe now as an educator I am finding its harmony and melody.  Yes, dear reader, the caged bird has begun to sing. 

But sometimes there are those who attempt to silence my song.  As a teacher I seek to enhance my stance and role as a participant-observer. I consider myself as a facilitator amongst a body of learners. Now, as I continue to grow, I find that my conscious will not allow me to keep silent or ignore facts that needed to be checked. But how do I do this a black woman? How do I check facts without being "checked back into my place?" It's interesting to be a teacher. It's even more interesting to be a special educator. 

In special education it's the little things that prevent dialogue that is co-generative. Things like
- being kept off an email. 
- being kept out of the decision making process for a class 
- not being kept in the loop about changes to the curriculum that you may not be privy to due to your position
- being consulted about the matters of scope and sequence, or learning objectives after those you teach with have already consulted other parties, that do not teach the class. 

That's what it feels like to be a special educator. Many times it feels like exclusion. I thank God for that sort of exclusion because it allows me to better understand students with Individualized Education Plans (IEPs), and their positionality in the classroom. To those who say these aspects of one's identity don't matter - I tell you they do. They most certainly do. To be continued...