Establishing Dialogue when you don't feel heard. Part II

My students teach me. Teaching at the middle school level has made my consider the ways in which educators engage in dialogue. I have several middle schoolers who will speak to me, and share their hearts, re-teaching me things I have long forgotten.

• I've forgotten what it's like to be 12. 
• I've forgotten what it's like to go through puberty. 
• I've forgotten what it is like to have a ceaseless amount of energy. 
• I've forgotten what it's like to be the only one in the room who may not understand. (But to keep it real or 100, I have to re-learn so many things as a new classroom teacher this year! I'm grateful to all the kids and adults who willingly show me the ropes!) 

As they practice, and develop their social-emotional development I am re-learning what it means to be self-aware, and express one's self in a manner that is healthy, inclusive of the feelings of others, and mature. 

When students sit with me, I make sure to listen. I ask simple questions, like, "Why do you say that," "What makes you feel that way," "Can you clarify what you mean," "I'm not sure I understand what you mean, could you say it again?" These questions teach me what it means to listen and learn, not to teach, but to facilitate conversation. I don't provide an opinion, I don't provide advice, I give students the space to express. This is something that I didn't often receive as a child --- the opportunity to be heard. My old school Haitian-American background precluded the ability to always voice my opinion. It was more "be seen, not heard." I want my students to always have a voice.

In class, when silence is needed, especially when explaining new material, I tell my students, "I never want to silence you, but I do need the quiet in order for you to understand this material." Dialogue often involves silence. Dialogue does not happen without listening. Balancing the hearing, the talking, and the being heard is difficult at not only the middle school level, but even as an adult.