This topic is relevant. 
It's applicable to today. It was applicable yesterday. And as a black woman, I feel that this battle of establishing dialogue when I don't feel heard is persistently with me. Throughout high school, college, graduate school, and even at times during my working life, I describe myself as first having no voice, finding it, having it silenced, and building it again.

My second tenure at Columbia University (TC) was about discovering the power of the different types of discourse that take place in the spaces and positions people occupy. Positionality matters.  Race matters. Gender matters. Different aspects of our identity affect how discourse is received, and how discussions are perceived. During my second semester at TC, as we discussed conflict and collaboration, in one of my classes, I purposely tried to take several steps back. I did not volunteer to facilitate, until the day I was in a group where all, except for me, had already served as facilitators. I was conscious of not wanting to appear dominating, because I have learned that perception is often taken for reality. This constant awareness of perception is oftentimes limiting. 

It's important to point out that discourse should not be equated with dialogue. Discourse can occur without the consideration of the dominant ideology that may be influencing perspective, and I did not want to be the person “in charge” of pointing that out. I have struggled through the years to find my voice, I believe now as an educator I am finding its harmony and melody.  Yes, dear reader, the caged bird has begun to sing. 

But sometimes there are those who attempt to silence my song.  As a teacher I seek to enhance my stance and role as a participant-observer. I consider myself as a facilitator amongst a body of learners. Now, as I continue to grow, I find that my conscious will not allow me to keep silent or ignore facts that needed to be checked. But how do I do this a black woman? How do I check facts without being "checked back into my place?" It's interesting to be a teacher. It's even more interesting to be a special educator. 

In special education it's the little things that prevent dialogue that is co-generative. Things like
- being kept off an email. 
- being kept out of the decision making process for a class 
- not being kept in the loop about changes to the curriculum that you may not be privy to due to your position
- being consulted about the matters of scope and sequence, or learning objectives after those you teach with have already consulted other parties, that do not teach the class. 

That's what it feels like to be a special educator. Many times it feels like exclusion. I thank God for that sort of exclusion because it allows me to better understand students with Individualized Education Plans (IEPs), and their positionality in the classroom. To those who say these aspects of one's identity don't matter - I tell you they do. They most certainly do. To be continued...

During my time as a student, and now as a classroom practitioner, I am interested in what I have heard one of my Columbia University professors, Dr. Christopher Emdin,  refer to ask a co-generative dialogue. Every week I have the wonderful opportunity of speaking with my students, learning about their goals, academic performance, families, and building a holistic view through a multipronged lens.
 
As I work on establishing multiple perspectives or understandings, the question becomes, how do I enact a co-generative dialogue in my classroom? How do I invite conversation that is beneficial to personal and professional development? In what ways am I safe? In what ways are certain people and places unsafe to establishing dialogue. Good pedagogy requires the mediation of many factors. In what ways have I experienced dialogue? In my experiences, how have dialogues been influenced by hierarchies, and other systems and structures of power? How are my students experiencing the discourse of education? How am I experiencing the multiple discourses that take place about education? What narrative have I constructed about my students? What narrative have they constructed about me? Do I construct what Nigerian author Chimamanda Adichie calls, “The single story”? These are all important questions.
 
What is it that students hear about themselves? What is it that I hear about myself: in the silence, in the noise, verbally, nonverbally, in the places, positions, and spaces I have come to occupy? What are students extricating from their interactions with me. In what ways can I help them and others, develop a perspective contrary to deficit-based narratives that may be circulating?
 
When students come to trust us they are able to speak their “truth”. Truth can be confrontational. As this is sometimes the character or nature of “truth,” I am of the belief that students learn where, when, and with whom they can share their truth. As an educator I hope to always be cognizant about the exchanges I have with students. A question I ask myself is, “How can I be intentional in this interaction?” It is not enough to have good intentions, one must also think holistically, “What biases am I bringing to this interaction? Will what I am trying to teach, or even get across in this conversation be beneficial to the listener?” Attempting to foresee this or be deliberate in answering these questions could have positive implications for truly engaging in a co-generative dialogue. Dialogue does not mean one speaks, and the other person answers questions, it’s about truly listening and seeing who you are, and who students are, and making sure we understand before we try to make ourselves understood. It has been my experience that an ability to dialogue with students premeditates the ability to teach them.
 
Teaching is leadership through language.

In my next post, i'll discuss establishing a dialogue when you don't feel heard. 

I recently finished my first first full month of teaching.  This year is much different than the last, when I was student teaching. My tips for myself remain relatively the same: remain calm, smile (a lot), and ask questions. 

My tip to my teacher-self: When there is a fire drill that interrupts the middle of class, one of the best ways for teachers to get students back on track is, “Ok, we left off at…” A group of normally distracted students immediately redirect their focus. This is much harder to do if students are in the middle of a Math test as I recently discovered. 

1. Tip to Teacher Self: Do not hand students exams or any graded work back at the beginning of class. Whether in middle school or high school, even at a school where grades are not the preeminent focus, students will turn their focus to their performance on an assessment. Unless the assessment is being reviewed, in order to help students get better I am of the opinion that it is better to wait until the end of class. Multiple hands shooting up with questions about their assessments, the distraction in transitioning to whatever activity is supposed to be happening, has led me to believe that certain items should only be handed out at the beginning of class if they serve a practical purpose. 
2. Teachers get distracted too! This is not a surprise to me, but we are expected to always be ready. For instance, I like to be at school well-ahead of schedule. I plan for disturbances in metro service. On a particular morning this past month, multiple teachers were waiting to use the only available printer. This set me back by approximately one precious hour. Though I was still early to school, it left no time for my usual prep. This was a good lesson to learn. I must always have systems in place that will allow everything to continue to run smoothly. My saving grace is being consistent. Having routines helps not only the students, but also me; I am more comfortable , and can still be effective (maybe not at the highest level) when the unexpected occurs.
3. Worry is a distraction. Constantly thinking about student progress and even self-progress in the space and place that is school can be detrimental. As I am occupying this role as a co-teacher it may not always be helpful to think about whether or not I fit in, or if people believe I am effective, or even if I am liked. This can be detrimental to my being fully present. Navigating this space is not easy but I do not need to make it more difficult by trying to figure it out. I do not abide by “que sera sera,” as I do believe that choices made consistently can have a positive or negative effect on the future. Choosing to learn what I can and use the resources that I have, may be the most practical thing for me to do write now. 
   
   Ciao for now, 
   Your fellow teacher - Ms. St. Jean (aka Martha during off hours).